


First Kiss

by Saffo



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Rolivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 13:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20797574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffo/pseuds/Saffo
Summary: Olivia and Amanda were friends.  Friends kissed each other on the cheek all the time, and it was no big deal.  Right?  Right.





	First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Posting my first Rolivia fic, in celebration of the premiere of season 21! 
> 
> None of the characters belong to me. Etc.
> 
> Do you want more Rolivia fics? Let me know! I have more WIP!

The first time Amanda kissed Olivia, it was a peck on the cheek, quick and casual. At least, it was _supposed_ to be casual, but somehow it was really an event to Olivia, one that lingered in her mind. It was when Amanda and her two kids were saying goodbye to Olivia and Noah, after maybe their fifth playdate. They had all had a good time, as usual, and the goodbye scene - rather chaotic, as is to be expected with three kids - wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing particularly emotional that had happened to warrant a kiss on the cheek, as far as Olivia could tell - it was more like Amanda spontaneously decided to preface their usual goodbye hug with an additional affectionate gesture. Just a kiss on the cheek. Like friends do. No big deal. So why was it?

Olivia fretted over it as soon as the door shut behind Amanda and her kids. She hadn’t had much of a reaction to the kiss, and she felt guilty for that - was she supposed to have kissed Amanda’s cheek in return? But they were already hugging, so wouldn’t it have been awkward to pull out of the hug in order to do so? It was sweet of Amanda to have kissed her cheek. She didn’t want her to think she hadn’t appreciated it. Olivia rolled her eyes at herself and how ridiculously over-analytical she was being about this, and luckily, did not have much time to dwell on it before Noah started pestering her about making a new batch of playdough and wanting another snack.

Still, the next time Olivia and Amanda got together with their kids, at the park this time, Olivia noticed herself anticipating the ending of the outing. She and Amanda were side by side on a bench with lattes, watching as Jesse and Noah ran around chasing each other with handfuls of colored leaves. Billie slept in the stroller by Amanda’s side, her brow furrowing adorably as the occasional breeze swept through. Olivia was thinking about how she needed to make sure she kissed Amanda’s cheek this time. Again, she mentally kicked herself for thinking about this so much; she wasn’t usually so socially awkward, and was not prone to overthink things like this.

“You okay, Liv?” Amanda suddenly asked, snapping Olivia back to the present. “You seem a little distracted.” Her eyes met Olivia’s and Olivia stared, which only made her friend frown slightly in concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for spacing out,” Olivia said, sweeping her gaze back to the kids. “I guess lately I’ve been overthinking things, in a way that I don’t usually do, so I’m just distracted by my own brain.” She knew that vague non-explanation wasn’t helping matters any, but she didn’t know what else to say - Amanda was her best friend, and they were way beyond the “I’m fine; it’s nothing” white lies they’d give to other people. She knew Amanda could see right through her, and there was no point in saying “I’m fine” when Amanda wouldn’t believe it. But she also couldn’t tell her the details of the thoughts distracting her.

“Overthinking, huh?” Amanda replied with a half smile. Olivia could tell she was itching to ask Olivia for more details, but didn’t want to pry. There was a long pause. “S’okay, Liv,” Amanda offered. “We all get like that sometimes, y’know?” She tilted her head back to drink the last sip of her coffee, which made Olivia smile.

“What’s funny?” Amanda asked.

Olivia grinned full on. “I think you’ve become more of a coffee addict than me. You used to agree with me that it was better to leave one sip in the cup to avoid having to drink the grainy sludge that’s usually at the bottom. Now you suck down every drop like your life depends on it.”

Amanda attempted to scrunch up her face and be offended, but ended up laughing. Her sparkling eyes, crinkled at the corners, made Olivia’s breath catch.

“That’s how you rate a coffee addiction, Benson?” Amanda drawled, and gestured with her cup at Olivia’s own. “I will ignore the fact that you’re just trying to change the subject and point out that it doesn’t matter if you’ve left a sip and I didn’t, when your cup’s four ounces bigger than mine to begin with!” With that, she playfully poked Olivia’s forearm, unnecessarily hard.

Olivia opened her mouth to volley back, but before she could, the sound of Jesse’s cries interrupted her and both kids came running over. Talking over each other, they rambled something about whose turn it was with the blue dump truck versus the green front loader. Olivia and Amanda sighed in unison. Then, the kids’ argument woke up little Billie, who began to cry.

Frustrating as it was, this was Olivia and Amanda’s reality - this is what being single mothers was like. They were used to the interrupted conversations, the unfinished thoughts, the times cut short by their kids’ crying or hunger or fatigue. Olivia’s mind returned to its previous rumination - she suspected her opportunity to return the cheek kiss was soon approaching.

“Ugh, sorry Olivia,” Amanda said drily, beginning to toss hers and Jesse’s belongings into the diaper bag. “It’s probably time for Billie to eat anyway.”

“I hear ya,” Olivia replied. She stood up as Amanda did, helping her get Jesse’s jacket back on, struggling with one of the sleeves because Jesse kept a tight fist on her front loader while Noah stood nearby still trying to trade his dump truck for it. Olivia ignored Noah for a moment so that her arms would be ready to intercept the beginning of Amanda’s hug. When she saw Amanda reaching for her, Olivia quickly put her hands on her friend’s shoulders and briefly kissed her cheek, before pulling her all the way in for their hug. And then when they pulled back, Amanda’s previously weary face now had a grin on it. Like she’d just had a second latte.

After that, Amanda and Olivia routinely kissed each other on the cheek whenever they were saying goodbye somewhere other than at work, whether at the park, one of their apartments, a street corner, or the door of a taxi. It was just normal, and Olivia felt silly having once over-analyzed it. But then… Olivia wasn’t quite sure when it started, or who exactly started it, but somehow, their “cheek” kisses were beginning to creep a little closer towards the mouth. Maybe it was an accident? One time she leaned in to kiss Amanda, and was maybe a little distracted or too hasty, and kissed her almost on the corner of her mouth instead. But she thought nothing of it, not really, and Amanda didn’t seem bothered, and the next time, Amanda’s kiss to her was somewhere on her face that wasn’t quite her cheek, either. But it didn’t make them pause - Amanda’s phone was ringing and she huffed a strand of blond hair out of her face before answering it, throwing another wave at Olivia over her shoulder as she pushed the stroller away.

The distracted, sloppy, cheek kisses continued like this for a while. One time, parting ways on the sidewalk after a McDonald’s lunch (which they were not proud of, but Noah’s tantrum made it too difficult to go anywhere classier that day), they both leaned in to try and kiss the other’s cheek, and bumped into each other’s faces rather awkwardly and just giggled. Another time, when it had just been the two of them plus 8-month-old Billie, while the older two were in school, Amanda had Billie on her hip as she leaned in to give Olivia a peck. At the last minute, Billie lunged forward with a gleeful squawk, whacking Olivia in the face with her chubby little hand. The two moms burst out laughing and peppered her little baby face with kisses. Olivia ended up playfully kissing Amanda’s cheek two or three times in the midst of it, because Amanda’s face was all smushed up with Billie’s.

Then, two Tuesdays ago. Amanda and her kids were leaving Olivia’s apartment. Noah was already asleep in his bedroom, Billie was asleep in the stroller, and Jesse was halfway down the hall singing to herself. Without the usual chaos, the two women weren’t in such a hurry, and the leaning in was a little slower, a little more deliberate. They were tired; it was late. But Olivia’s heart was pounding before their bodies even met, and she was shocked to realize there she was placing a kiss on the corner of Amanda’s mouth. Maybe like half on her mouth, even. It was brief, but, she definitely felt lips on her lips. Instinctively, to avoid eye contact, she pulled Amanda in for a hug, trying to just be casual, acting like maybe it was a meaningless accident. Was she just imagining it that Amanda seemed to be holding onto the embrace for longer than usual? Tentatively, Olivia rubbed her fingers back and forth on Amanda’s back. Just a little. And then she felt Amanda’s arms repositioning on her back, and suddenly, Amanda’s hand was cupping the back of Olivia’s neck, her fingers scraping gently into the hair at the base of her skull.

Olivia tried not to gasp, and wasn’t sure she succeeded, as Amanda quickly let go and started off down the hall. “Jesse, wait up,” she called out, and didn’t look back. Olivia stood in the doorway for a good 90 seconds more, waiting for the back of her neck to stop tingling.

For the next few times after that, Olivia and Amanda’s goodbye pecks were rather awkward - it felt to Olivia like they were both going overboard in trying to seem casual and lighthearted, when they were actually anything but.

Then, last night. It was 10 PM, and Olivia was about to get into a taxi. It was dark, and drizzly, and there was a chill in the air that they both should have been eager to get away from, and yet they lingered there on the sidewalk. Both of them had babysitters at home; it was a rare occasion where they had the opportunity to talk without the kids interrupting. It was also a nerve-wracking opportunity to say a “proper” goodnight, without using the kids as shields or excuses. For a moment they simply stared at each other, until Amanda, of all people, seemed to lose her nerve and fake-cheerfully rushed forward to plunk a sloppy kiss on Olivia’s “cheek.”

Olivia was suddenly amused. “Amanda Rollins, did you just kiss my _nostril_?” she demanded, with a hand on her hip.

Amanda burst out laughing, the rain beginning to stick strands of her hair to her face. “Sorry, Liv,” she said.

Olivia grinned back. Then her face became calm, steady. Did she dare…? She focused on the soothing feel of the raindrops, like fingertips, on her face. She took a deep breath. 

“I want a re-do.” 

She forced her gaze to not waver from Amanda’s. Amanda’s eyes that suddenly had a whole ocean in them, as she processed what Olivia was saying. Olivia held her breath as she waited. After only a few seconds, Amanda took a step towards her. She leaned in, slowly, deliberately, so carefully - and with a final, double-checking look into Olivia’s eyes, pressed her lips squarely on Olivia’s. Amanda’s lips were soft and warm, yet cool from the rain, and Olivia couldn’t believe this was really happening.

Although it seemed like time stood still for the duration (_what a cliche_, Olivia thought, but it was true), the kiss lasted only a second. Olivia and Amanda pulled apart just slightly, to stare at each other. Olivia, clutching the door of the taxi, couldn’t tell if she was breathing heavily, or at all, and didn’t know how to form syllables, never mind words or sentences. Amanda, too, opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. Their faces hovered near each other’s, as if they were each weighing their options. Meld their lips together for all eternity, or run for the hills? _Oh, god. _

The taxi driver not-so-subtly cleared his throat. Olivia startled. “I’d better go,” she attempted to say, although half of it came out in a whisper. Amanda nodded, stepped back, dropping her gaze to the pavement. Olivia reached out and grabbed her arm, before she could turn. She couldn’t bear the anxiety she saw on Amanda’s face, and all she could think about was getting rid of it, so on pure instinct, she laid the palm of her hand flat on this beautiful woman’s cheek. She cut off Amanda’s gasp by pressing their mouths together once more, this time with a swelling urgency. She waited a beat for Amanda to respond, and then, kissed Amanda with everything she had. She hoped Amanda could feel all the emotion she’d been holding back, the _purpose_, the promises. She knew Amanda understood, when the sound that escaped from the back of Amanda’s throat - too loud for on a _sidewalk_, and _oh, fuck_, the _hunger_ in it - made chills crawl all over Olivia’s scalp and down her body.

Olivia pulled back, panting for real now. “Goodnight, Amanda,” she whispered, and climbed into the taxi with wobbly knees. Amanda could only nod, in a bit of a stupor, and held her own fingertips against her bottom lip as she gazed at Olivia’s shadowed image through the taxi window.

Olivia’s hands trembled the whole ride home.

It was now 2:12 AM, and Olivia’s hands were still shaking, almost too much to type coherent responses to the flurry of texts she and Amanda had been exchanging for the past three and a half hours. It was like being hyped up on a bucket of espresso. The flutter in her chest was dancing its familiar falling-in-love dance, but at the same time, this was different from anything she’d ever felt. Olivia knew her life would be forever changed.


End file.
